No Surprise Now

One of the primary reasons I decided to take this course is that my ancestors (on my mother's side) are all American Indian, but I have had very little connection with any of them or their culture. I have, however, been fortunate enough to have memories of my Gramma Ayers who was half Cherokee and half Sioux. One of those memories is of my Aunt Brenda asking Gramma Ayers several questions about her life as an American Indian. Upon hearing the words "American Indian," Gramma Ayers jerked her head up from the always present spit cup she carried and looked at my aunt with a stern face and said, "I am not an Indian. I am white." Startled, my aunt asked her why she did not claim her heritage. Once again, Gramma Ayers said, "I don't have heritage to claim. I am not Indian. I am white." Until the day she died, my great-grandmother refused to admit that she was an Indian and she was sure to tell all of her children that they were not Indian, they were white and would have everything white children had.
   I often wondered why she was so afraid to be honest about her race. I knew very little (and still do not know very much) about American Indian history and what my Gramma Ayers likely experienced in her lifetime. After seeing the film "Reel Injun," however, I feel that I understand at least a bit more. When thinking of her, I could not help but remember the children watching the film and the looks on their faces. Did my great-grandmother experience this strange prejudice first-hand. I am certain that it is possible. Gramma Ayers was sold to a white family at the age of twelve and eventually married the man who bought her after his wife's death. She bore him thirteen children, all of whom were "white." I wish she would have spoken more about her parents, grandparents, and siblings. She never once mentioned them (at least to my knowledge) and she never spoke about her beliefs, other than to tell us that her parents adopted Christian names when she was a young girl and they changed her name as well.
     I wonder if she ever saw any of the films mentioned in "Reel Injun" and if she did, I wonder what she thought. I wonder if she believed that she was all of the shameful things that others claimed American Indians were. It is certainly possible, but unfortunately, I will never know.